Healing from a relationship where narcissistic parts are present can be a long and challenging journey. ‘Narcissistic abuse’. I use that term lightly; it can be devastating, leaving behind deep emotional wounds that can take years to heal. However, it is possible to move on from a narcissistic relationship and find a conscious, healthy relationship through Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.

I was utterly lost when I started my healing journey six years ago. I had just gotten out of a marriage with a narcissistic husband who had gaslit, manipulated, and emotionally abused me. I was shattered and had lost all faith in myself and my ability to trust my judgment. I was a therapist, and a part of me was screaming, “You should know better”. I was in therapy for a while as I felt suicidal, but I didn't feel like I was making as much progress as I would like (my impatient part). That's when I decided to engage in my own IFS therapy.

The IFS therapy approach resonated with me; I had not worked on the ‘people-pleasing’ parts of myself as they ‘felt like me’. I started working with an IFS therapist, a game-changer. By identifying and getting to know my parts, I understood why I had attracted a ‘narcissistic’ partner in the first place. I realised that my people-pleasing part had been dominant, and I had ignored my intuition, which had been trying to warn me about my partner.

I also discovered my wounded child parts, which had been hurt in childhood and sought validation and love from my partner. Through IFS, I could give my wounded child parts the love and validation they had been seeking from my partner. I also set healthy boundaries and communicated effectively with my parts, which helped me make better choices in my relationships.

As I continued to work with IFS, I started to notice positive changes in my relationships. I was attracting healthier people into my life, and my relationships were becoming more conscious and supportive. I was no longer willing to tolerate the abuse I had experienced in my past relationship. Instead, I could recognise someone not respecting me and move on from the relationship.

I could heal from my narcissistic relationship through IFS therapy and move on to a more conscious, healthy one. I learned how to communicate with my parts and make choices aligned with my values and goals. IFS therapy helped me to regain my self-confidence and trust my judgment again.

I also understood my ex-husband and his ‘narcissistic’ parts and how they developed as a protective mechanism. Something I did not understand when I was in ‘the thick of it’. His parts may have developed in response to emotional wounds or trauma and taken over to protect him from feeling vulnerable or rejected. The ‘narcissistic parts’ are not seen as a disorder but as parts that have become dominant and need healing and integration.

The difference between narcissism and narcissistic parts is that narcissism is a personality disorder, while narcissistic parts are one aspect of a person's internal world. People with narcissistic personality disorder have a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, lack of empathy, and need for admiration. In contrast, people with “narcissistic parts” may have certain behaviours or thought patterns driven by a specific aspect of their psyche. Understanding the difference between the two is essential to develop a more nuanced and practical approach to healing and growth. I had done nothing wrong, and he was protecting himself. We were both in protective mode. That doesn’t take away the pain felt during the relationship, but it helped me understand that he was NOT the cause of the pain; my childhood was.

Healing from a ‘narcissistic relationship’ can be challenging and painful, but it is possible. IFS therapy provided a powerful tool for healing and growth, allowing me to communicate with my parts and build healthier relationships.

While narcissism and narcissistic parts may share similar characteristics, they are different. Narcissism is a personality trait often associated with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). In contrast, narcissistic parts are parts of an individual's psyche that have taken on narcissistic traits to cope with emotional wounds or trauma.

Working with a skilled therapist, you can learn to identify and understand your parts and move on to a more conscious, healthy relationship, just as I did.

In abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls

Angela xox